It would be weird if you didn’t,” she says. “Everyone has erectile problems from time to time. Prause says that party drug culture and Viagra marketing have led men to pathologise occasional erection issues as something more sinister. Whether it is as a result of drinking, stress or tiredness, the inability to get or maintain an erection will happen to most men at some point in their lives. “Often, these are men who appear to be super-healthy: they’re slim, they exercise, they’re young, and you think, ‘why on earth have these people got sexual difficulties’?”
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“I have been treating patients for 30 years, and there’s no doubt that we’re seeing more young men today than we used to,” says Dr Douglas Savage of the Centre for Men’s Health, based in London and Manchester. Medical professionals report that many more young men are coming to them complaining of ED.
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“Nobody tells you how to have sex – you just figure it out yourself from other teenage boys and porn.” “We are raised in a culture where men do not talk authentically about sex,” says Paul Nelson, founder of Frank Talk, an online support group for men with ED. “If you look at the rise of easily accessible pornography, people have an expectation that men are going to be great performers,” says Raymond Francis, a psychotherapist. Under enormous social pressure to be smooth sexual performers, they are mistakenly self-diagnosing with ED after a few failed attempts to have sex. More men believe themselves to have ED, when they are actually anxious about their sexual performance. What does seem to have increased is young men’s performance anxiety. I see stats all the time reading, ‘It’s increased 1,000 per cent in young men’.
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“When you look representatively, there has not been an increase in erectile dysfunction. However, Nicole Prause, a neuroscientist who specialises in sexual behaviour, says there is little scientific and statistical evidence of a growth in the prevalence of ED. According to the Irish Heart Foundation, 18 per cent of men aged 50 to 59, 38 per cent of men aged between 60 and 69 and 57 per cent of men aged over 70 suffer from the condition. Many believe erectile dysfunction (ED), also known as impotence, is becoming more prevalent in young men. That’s usually a sign things won’t work out.” “In my head I’m telling myself it’ll be fine, but there’s always a voice saying: ‘What if it does happen?’ Then it becomes a physical thing, and my body gets all hot and I feel startled inside. “Every time I went to see my girlfriend, I’d be freaking out,” he says. That was in November 2017, but even after Toby started dating someone else, the problem persisted. Their encounter ended he could no longer perform.
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“I’ve always had a bit of anxiety about my performance, so she hit a bit of a bedrock there, because I had been thinking about it before.” The woman the 32-year-old was with remarked that he wasn’t hard enough for them to have sex. It was just as things were getting serious in the bathroom at a house party that an off-hand comment ruined the mood for Toby.